Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We need to get me chipped asap
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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