i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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