the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
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I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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