he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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