my phone needs a breathalizer
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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