I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
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they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
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True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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