Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
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