what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
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The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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