just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
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he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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