those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
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sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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