do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize