In the future we'll all be gay
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize