Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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