So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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