Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
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He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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