i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize