a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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