1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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