So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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