Duck Duck Cougar?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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