can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
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he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
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I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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