I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just gift wrapped bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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