aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
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We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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