Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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