We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize