Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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