Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize