I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize