My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
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my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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