Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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