So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
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He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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