so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
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ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
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Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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