My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize