I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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