I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
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we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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