Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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