Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
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In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
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If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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