How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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