I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
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If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
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I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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