my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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