hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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