Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
being pregnant is like rehab
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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