so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
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He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
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On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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