I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize