hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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