I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
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The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
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I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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