my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
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If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
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The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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