Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
FUCK WHALES
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize