Ambien. No doubt about it.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
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Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
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We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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