I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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